3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
