just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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