Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
