So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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