Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
