btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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