Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Someone stole a lamp last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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