A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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