Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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