so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
