I can tuck mytits in my pants
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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