break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
