My first STD was from a foam party
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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