I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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