she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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