What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
