We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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