sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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