if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
