I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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