I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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