he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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