this beer tastes like vomit already
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Your penis caused this!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
