We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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