you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
