I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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