If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
