member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
