So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
