Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
