i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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