his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
