i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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