i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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