Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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