This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
