the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
