Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
