Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
