Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
