should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
