in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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