He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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