i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
