One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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