i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
