ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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