So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
