Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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