I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
