Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
