i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
